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- The Imposter is Creeping
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I’ve been at this for over half a decade and imposter syndrome is rearing its ugly head again. And I think it’s the worst it has ever been. Work has been challenging and I am barely keeping my head above water.
The only life line that I have is a co-worker who takes the time to walk me through my assigned tickets. They take the time to pair program with me and explain in detail what I am missing and what
I can improve on.
These sessions, though immensely helpful, are only fueling my imposter syndrome. As I hear them speak and watch them navigate the codebase and explain concepts with ease, the only thought in my head is “Am I dumb or something?”
Because the concepts go over my head and I keep questioning whether or not I should know these things being so deep into the game.That after years in the field, these patterns and principles should be second nature. But the truth is they are not. The truth is I am still learning, and that feels uncomfortable to admit.
And when people get uncomfortable, they tend to doubt themselves and ultimately they quit but maybe that discomfort is exactly the point. Growth rarely is every linear. It often feels like confusion, repetition, and needing to ask for help. It feels like being stretched into places I have not been before. My co-worker is not proof that I am failing. It is proof that people are always willing to uplift.
So yes, the imposter voices are loud. But louder still is the fact that I keep showing up. I keep asking questions. I keep trying. And maybe that is what belonging really looks like. Not having all the answers, but having the courage to keep searching for them.
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